Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Overwhelming Ennui

I have a vague idea of why, but really, the important thing here is that I am completely overwhelmed by melancholy right now. Yeah, AO is traveling, and that's always a bummer, but it's more than that.

I know on last year's podcast of this time-ish i mentioned feeling this way and here I go again.

This time, however, I think I sussed it.

It's the light.

I remember distinctly how, upon moving to NYC, I could see the seasons in the quality of the light. Something about the angle of it...the way it filtered in the windows differently...you can see Fall coming.

I know it's still August and even in NY there's a good chance that nice weather is at least a week or two off...but...the light is changing here. I can see it. It's distinctly different in the morning and evenings. Beautiful. It's the approach of Fall.
It's 100° out.


Okay, now it's evening and it's not...well...hell, maybe it is. I know it won't be for long. But it'll only get down to 78° or so tonight and my Web Weather Monitor tells me tomorrow will be 102°.

This is not Fall.

I never really did the "season" thing before, having grown up here in the Southwest, but eleven years in NY... it's... it's very very hard to lose that. I suppose it's something primal... something... internal. I don't know. All I know is I'm sad. And it should be cooling off. And I miss my seasons.

In October sometime, the nights will start to cool off, and we'll have some days that are in the low 90s and it'll be dry again. That will be nice. Then, by November, we'll be sitting in sweaters around the fire pit at night.

But that should start in a little over a month...not a little over two. And I should have Jackie and John and Liisa and Professor Eval with me (a little Eval must enter every life).

There's something in my body that's telling me one thing while my environment is telling me another.

I wonder how many years it will take to erase this?

In the meantime, I'll just be...like this...

1 comment:

Lynn said...

Man I know how you feel.
Having grown up in Vegas, I used to get so frustrated/sad/mad when I was going back to school. You'd see these totally cute outfits on the cover of 17 magazine for 'back to school', and of course they'd be sweaters. I'd just sigh and think maybe, maybe, maybe in Nov I can wear one.

And something even more FUBAR, we couldn't wear SHORTS to school until I was a Sophomore in HS. So when I was 9 and in 4th grade, going to school the first week of Sept and it's 105 out, I was in jeans. Jeans for goodness sake!

Hang in there. Go watch some of the breathtaking Arizona sunsets..dig through some Arizona Highway magazines and ruminate on the beauty of where you do live. It's one of my favorite corners of the world. :)